Posts Tagged ‘news’

Nancy Grace – what a witch!

August 28, 2009

After the recent release of Jaycee Lee Dugard, I just watched The Elizabeth Smart Story and then did some internet research……nasty nasty woman that Nancy Grace isn’t she. Here’s the interview she did with Elizabeth after her release….some women just don’t know when it’s time to give up. Let’s hope Jaycee has it easier. Would someone put a leash on Nancy just in case?

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Would you like some BS with that pizza Private?

August 28, 2009

Some ridiculous story is making the news today, via The Telegraph, of a British soldier, down from Iraq for some R&R in Kuwait ( that’s an oxymoron in itself) who claims he was kidnapped by ‘Islamic fanatics’ when he nipped out for a pizza in the middle of Ramadan’……LOL.

Now I think it could have been one of several things – he’s suffering from PSD (Pre Pizza Stress Disorder) , he’s been ‘boynapped’ by a few sex crazed Saidies or some Bengalis felt there was a penny or two to be made from this bloke if they could only get into his pants…..or….he woke up after having consumed copious amounts of distilled Eth and hadn’t a clue where he was…..and thought he could fly …. off the balcony.

Nice try Private, but here in Ramadan nobody has the strength to carry out a kidnapping, never mind contemplate one.

When punishment goes seriously wrong

August 6, 2009

Well in my school people got detention, or expelled at a push, but in Malaysia the punishment for being caught with a cigarette in your locker goes  a bit further. A boy was forced by his English teacher to smoke 42 cigarettes in 4 hours.Afterwards, the boy had to be hospitalised.( If I had been his parents, the teacher would have to have been hospitalised also…….).

Commenting on the incident, the school principal said:

” This doesn’t happen often.”

Well hallelujah. Maybe Mr Balls could offer some in-house training?

Ah well, as Oscar Wilde once said…………. ”Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

Hey Mambo…..Silvio, you old Lothario you…..

July 24, 2009

A very, very frightening thought, image, possibility has arisen…..More tapes about Silvio Berlusconi’s sleaze scandal have been released – this time apparently of the Italian leader after having sex.

I don’t even want to imagine how horrible that could be.

Sky News reports :  ”The recordings were made by high-class escort girl Patrizia D’Addario, 42, who insists she spent a night at the 72-year-old’s home. In an explicit conversation, the woman is heard praising a man, said to be the prime minister, for his “performance”.He replies she should have “sex with yourself more often”.Political insiders said the graphic nature of the recordings could prove fatal in Mr Berlusconi’s close relationship with the Vatican.”

Well yes, stating the bleeding obvious there, aren’t we…..

Silvio says she may have visited his home, but he can’t remember her ( were there so many? ) and in any case he would never have paid as this would have spoilt the conquest…….how very……”Italian”…..LOL

Oh, and guess what, the ‘girl’ in question was 42- you old rogue, you like the older women, don’t you? Well there’s hope for all of us…..I knew there was a reason I loved Italians.

Tito Jackson,”The Doc killed Michael.”

July 20, 2009

Michael Jackson’s brother Tito is accusing Doctor Conrad Murray of murder.

”Grieving Tito Jackson claimed Dr Conrad Murrays dithering as he tried to resuscitate his stricken brother wasted vital minutes that might have cost him his life. He accused the physician of not acting quickly enough to get help and said his methods of revival were far from the standards expected of a qualified doctor.Tito claimed Dr Murray began flapping when Jacko collapsed at his Los Angeles home. The 55-year-old said: My opinion is that he panicked when my brother didnt wake up.I think the doctor probably figured he was in trouble and he tried to revive Michael.”

Ya figure?

Girl of Riyadh given political asylum in UK

July 20, 2009

I am reading Girls of Riyadh at the moment and so this story in the Independent about a Saudi princess who has been given political asylum in the UK.

” A Saudi Arabian princess who had an illegitimate child with a British man has secretly been granted asylum in this country after she claimed she would face the death penalty if she were forced to return home. The young woman, who has been granted anonymity by the courts, won her claim for refugee status after telling a judge that her adulterous affair made her liable to death by stoning.  ……… The woman, who comes from a very wealthy Saudi family, says she met her English boyfriend – who is not a Muslim – during a visit to London. They struck up a relationship

She became pregnant the following year and worried that her elderly husband – a member of the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia – had become suspicious of her behaviour, she persuaded him to let her visit the UK again to give birth in secret. She feared for her life if she returned to Saudi Arabia.

She persuaded the court that if she returned to the Gulf state she and her child would be subject to capital punishment under Sharia law – specifically flogging and stoning to death. She was also worried about the possibility of an honour killing. Since she fled Saudi Arabia, her family and her husband’s family have broken off contact with her.”

This will not make the headlines……………wonder why?

David- tell those Americans where to shove it

July 20, 2009

Best footballer to come out of the UK since Georgie Best, David Beckham needs to shut those rude and rowdy American LA Galaxy fans up and tell them where to shove their football………….like they know how to play it anyway……

At this point in time, I think it is an opportune moment for the famous John Cleeses letter on US/UK relations………..

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.''

Who is Conrad Murray

July 15, 2009

Is he even a doctor at all? I mean could I call myself a doctor tomorrow if I felt like it? I have been working with someone this past year who claims he has five degrees and almost a PhD and I don’t believe a word of it, so I suppose anything is possible…..a doctor of shiteology perhaps…….

Murray’s licensed position remains unclear. He is not board-certified, graduated from  the Meharry Medical College, Tennesee in 1989.   His clinic was closed down in 2002 and his partner had his medical license revoked.  In 1993 he had been declared bankrupt.

Not really the CV of a man you might want to be administering powerful anaesthesia to a billionaire with an insurance policy……or maybe……

....and why is this the only damned photo of him?

....and why is this the only damned photo of him?

Jackson death is homicide

July 15, 2009

Breaking news is that LA police will be treating Michael Jackson’s death as homicide.

OK- the butcher? the baker? the candlestick maker? the dermatologist ?

No I’d say the happy handed cardiac ” specialist” who gave CPR on the bed……..Doc Conrad Murray.

TMZ.com said “the evidence points to the anaesthesia Propofol as the primary cause of Jackson’s death”.

Law enforcement sources told the entertainment website there was already “plenty of powerful evidence” pointing to Dr Murray.

Privates not on parade- and whatabout hot Ahmadi?

July 15, 2009

Rain , snow and freezing fog in Kuwait?

No that’s just wishful thinking on our part……………oh for a drop of water in this inferno. My very nostrils feel on fire and I have had to put vaseline up my nose to stop it burning…….what on earth did they do before AC?

Well this morning’s Arab Times tells us the’ Ahmadi police recently raided two apartments and arrested 41 Asian women who had reportedly advertised in their mother tongue inviting men for what they called ‘temporary marriage’, reports Al-Anba daily. A security source said the advertisements placed on apartment walls said the marriage pleasure cost KD 3 for one hour. All those arrested have been referred to the concerned authorities…..’all heating up even more down KOC way then……

Several Kuwaiti cadets have contracted swine flu in the UK- let’s hope they don’t intend to return to Kuwait to visit mama and baba…..or have they just manufactured a cough and the sniffles to miss parade?